When experiencing a pregnancy loss, the emotional and spiritual pain is often more difficult to bear than the physical. Throughout the acute treatment process, things are moving so fast and the sadness is so great that we often forget to request some simple things that will later help us with the grieving process.
In terms of having a memorial for your child, it will depend on how far along you were in the pregnancy. For many women, the pregnancy is so small at the time of miscarriage that there isn’t anything tangible to hold onto. For others, the baby’s body will be recovered. If this happens at home, as would occur with an early miscarriage, you can wrap the baby in a cloth and preserve it in the freezer until you can arrange a burial. Many priests would also be willing to offer a form of baptism or blessing if you desire this as well.
If you are at a hospital and you would like to keep the baby’s remains for a burial, you should notify your nurse before the procedure or delivery. Human tissue is considered a biological waste so you might have to work with the hospital staff on how to recover the body as this isn’t always part of their system policies. If you desire a baptism, you can also have the nurse call the hospital chaplain to come and perform a blessing.
Regardless of the size of your lost child, The Mary Claire Project connects families who experience a pregnancy loss to low or no-cost burial options as well as free burial caskets for the babies.
Many families would also like a picture taken with their child. Do not be embarrassed to ask the hospital staff to take photos of you and your family. Many photographers would also be willing to come to the hospital to document this precious moment. For a Moment Portrait Studio specializes in capturing an image of your family that will last a lifetime.
For long term healing of both miscarriage and fetal demise, we recommend naming the baby. This allows you to talk about him or her in a way that acknowledges and celebrates the time he or she spent with you. We also recommend choosing a date to honor this life on an annual basis. It may be the day you found out you were pregnant, the day the child was conceived or even the baby’s due date. Lastly, we suggest creating a “baby book” that documents the time and any memories associated with the pregnancy so there is a place to go when wanting to remember the life you carried. Ironically, allowing the child to take a more prominent place in your life, facilitates the letting go.
In Austin, we are blessed to work in conjunction with Raphael’s Refuge and often host our Memorial Prayer Service at their glass chapel in Flatonia, Texas. The walls of this beautiful chapel are made of glass bricks, each etched with the name of a child lost through miscarriage, abortion, illness, accident or artificial reproductive technologies. The light pierces these bricks, illuminating the children and offering peace and joy to those who witness them. If you live in Texas or around the world, please consider this lasting tribute to your child.
