According to Webster’s dictionary, “refuge” means
that which shelters or protects from danger, or from distress or calamity; a stronghold which protects by its strength, or a sanctuary which secures safety by its sacredness; a place inaccessible to an enemy.
For those of us who have lost a child during a pregnancy from miscarriage, fetal demise (stillbirth), abortion, or artificial reproductive technologies, we hope to find a place for them where they are safe, treasured and even celebrated. When a child dies before birth (or shortly after) it is difficult to find this place to hold them or memorialize them. In many instances, their face remains unseen and we are guessing if it is even a boy or a girl. We may or may not have seen an ultrasound picture or any other concrete proof of his or her existence. In other situations, we may have held our child but have so few moments together, it makes it difficult to celebrate or reminisce. We lack albums, trophies, art projects, and recital costumes that remind us of a shared life together. We simply have the idea of the child. Add to this that in so few circumstances do we actually have a body to bury as the child was too small or the hospital disposed of her before you thought to ask. So do we just let go?
At Sarah’s Hope & Abraham’s Promise, we believe that incorporating a lost child into our everyday lives is the best path toward healing. Others feel we should, instead, let go and move on to live our lives. But in reality, we need to let go of the sorrow but hold onto the child. But with such sparse memories or tangible objects to remember, where do we turn?
Welcome to Raphael’s Refuge! Located in the town of Flatonia, Texas, 79 miles from Austin or 111 miles from Houston, Raphael’s Refuge is a beautiful monument dedicated to all of our lost children. The chapel that calls upon Archangel Raphael, whose name translates to “God has healed”, holds these children in his sacred space, offering them a “sanctuary which secures safety.”
The monument consists of a chapel in the middle of a pasture adorned with Texas’ beautiful wild flowers. Instead of stone or wood, the chapel’s walls are made of glass bricks which gives the feeling that space and time can be transcended, creating a sense of unity with your child despite his or her absence. Each glass brick is etched with a name of a lost child, born or unborn. The sun shines through the glass, illuminating the names of all these children so the world may still know of their presence. Eventually, Raphael’s Refuge will extend these bricks along walls shooting from the chapel like the rays of the sun or a monstrance holding the Eucharist.
.
It is truly a sacred space that feels like the perfect place to hold these children together in one shelter. Whether you live in Texas and are able to visit the memorial on a regular basis or live far away, just knowing your child’s life is being illuminated by the light and by the other children who were taken to early, brings a sense of peace and hope. Please consider adding your child to this sacred space. It is truly a place where God heals. In the words of Jeremiah as exclaimed on Raphael’s Refuge website:
“Stop your weeping, Dry your eyes, Your hardships will be redressed. I will refresh your weary soul.” —Jer 31:16;25
For more information about Raphael’s Refuge or to memorialize your child, please click here. If you have other suggestions on way to memorialize your child, please offer your suggestion in the comments!
Cari Henry, MD
Executive Director, Rabboni Institute for Learning & Healing
