by Jen Crowley
March 26, 2020
Hey there, mama-in-waiting. I see you.
Have you taken a moment to actually think about that?
You ARE a mama! This IS happening!
You might not have a child in your arms right this second, but sometime in the not too distant future? You bet. That child is in your heart, and he is coming for you.
I used to say that my husband and I were “paper pregnant” when we were in our time of waiting, our time of “expecting” that phone call to say that a pregnant mother wanted to learn more about us. That she was considering choosing us as the family she would decide to place her child with upon delivery.
Related: Hope versus Expectations
Some people don’t like the phrase “paper pregnant,” but me? I loved it. It gave a label that I was desiring for where we were in our adoption journey. It sounded better than “in limbo” just waiting.
Maybe this all feels surreal to you. You’ve been waiting to become a mother for SO long that it hardly seems real that you could now become one at any day — tomorrow even.
Related: Waiting to Bloom
Have you been reading some books about parenting? Of course I have some to recommend — who doesn’t, ha?
- “The Happiest Baby on the Block,” by Harvey Karp
- “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer,” by Tracy Hogg
- “Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child,” by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
- “Baby Bargains” by Denise and Alan Fields
I used “Baby Bargains” exclusively to select all baby gear and nursery furniture. Some people love to research and endlessly shop — not me. I just wanted someone to tell me about all of their own unbiased research, including what was safest and functional. Done!
Speaking of selecting baby gear, is someone throwing a baby shower for you? Not all prospective adoptive parents want one, which is completely understandable. I did want one, though. While we were waiting to meet our future child, I wanted to be prepared like any other expectant parent would be prepared, especially since we could realistically get a phone call one day to come pick up a child THAT VERY DAY!
I was blessed to have a thoughtful sister and close set of girlfriends who had offered to throw me a shower. Coincidentally enough, the process of being matched with our son happened so quickly that we brought him home before the party was scheduled so he was able to attend his own baby shower!
If you would like to have a shower to celebrate your baby and no one has offered to throw you one, don’t feel bad! Honestly, most people don’t even think about offering to throw one for waiting adoptive parents because it just doesn’t occur to them. It’s very possible they’ve never known anyone who has gone through the adoption process. If they knew you wanted a party, they would likely jump to it in a heartbeat! I might even suspect they would be even more eager to throw you a shower since your journey to become a prospective adoptive parent has, without a doubt, been nothing less than stressful and even emotionally difficult at times.
If you feel comfortable, perhaps bring it up with a trusted family member or girlfriend and just mention that you would like to have some kind of party to celebrate your baby. Surely they will help get the ball rolling.
Maybe you want to wait to have the shower until after the baby comes home, like a “Sip and See” where everyone can meet the baby, or you might want to have it while you’re waiting for that big phone call so that you can start building your baby gear collection and nursery. It’s your preference to express!
Have you thought of any baby names? If you’re planning to adopt an older child, choosing a name probably isn’t an option you’ll have, but if you’re expecting to adopt an infant, you might want to have some names in your back pocket!
What about praying for your future child’s birth parents and for the pregnancy? That’s a big one I’d urge you to consider.
Your future child’s birth parents could be pregnant with your baby right now, and if an adoption plan is something they will eventually be making, then they are going to need your prayers. A prayer I used to say when we were waiting to meet our future child went something like this:
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“Dear Lord, please be with our baby and his birth parents and keep them all safe. I know that you will bring us together in the fullness of time, so grant us patience and increased faith during this time of hopeful waiting. I pray for the pregnancy, that it would be healthy and kept safe from any and all harm. Protect the birth mother and the baby, and bring the baby to a full and healthy term. Give the birth parents the courage they will need to give their ‘yes’ to this adoption placement when the time comes. I pray that the birth parents will have the emotional and spiritual support they will need to grieve the devastating loss of their child. May they never go a moment without feeling Your healing and loving presence in their lives. Grant us all peace and increased hope and trust in Your holy plan for this child. May Your will always be done over mine.” |
Most of all, dear mama-to-be, let me tell you how excited I am for you.
Maybe you’ve shared the news of your being in the adoption process with everyone you know. Perhaps you’ve created your own social media feature or blog updating everyone with new developments and each step that moves you closer toward holding your child in your arms.
Maybe, though, you haven’t told anyone or very few close souls. The adoption process is never an “easy walk in the park,” so I can’t imagine how you hold it together without being able to divulge every joy and suffering through the experience.
I encourage you to find at least someone other than your spouse to be able to unpack this journey with from time to time.
You don’t want your marriage to ride the complete burden that all of the adoption journey can carry with it. That’s a lot. Too much for only the two of you to bear alone.
I definitely urge you to seek out a community of support during the waiting. Consider joining our online Facebook group for those touched by adoption — Destined: Families Built by Love.
Take care of you during this time, and go ahead and relish in the joy of all the good and exciting moments coming your way! Journal some of the exciting preparations you’re making to bring baby home. Take photos.
You are an expectant mama, so go ahead and act like one!
I’m praying for you in this time of joyful anticipation. May God abundantly bless your growing family. May He give you all the gifts and graces that you and your husband will need to be good stewards of the child He is bringing your way.
Rest in the peace of knowing that God has a child out there for you, and when the time is right, you will get that call to come meet that precious little face. And your life will be changed forever.
God bless you,
Jen
Where are you in your adoption journey?
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Hey! I’m Jen Crowley!
I helped co-found the ministry Sarah’s Hope & Abraham’s Promise, where we seek to offer spiritual support for those struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, as well as support for those touched by adoption. I’ve been the proud wife to a great man for over 10 years, and I’ve been blessed through the miracle of adoption to be a mama of four beautiful (and very active) children! I come from the South and love cooking, a glass (or two) of wine, and Jesus. Throw in a movie marathon coupled with snuggles with my kiddos or deep conversations with my dearest loved ones, and you couldn’t find me happier! You can find my humble thoughts on journeying through infertility and adoption here!
